A quick history lesson

For years many pro wrestlers have been using metal as their genre of choice for entrance music.  And why the hell not?  Metal and violence go hand in hand!  Not to mention how many moves sound metal: the Clothesline from Hell, Jackknife Powerbomb, Edgecution, Chokeslam, Five Star Frog Splash (don't tell me you couldn't see a lost Mr. Bungle track named that), Sharpshooter, Facecrusher, etc.

Oddly enough, both realms of entertainment also share the tendencies to be of higher quality when you look beyond the mainstream.  You're as likely to see Origin on MTV as you are to see a piranha match between CM Punk and Triple H.  Pro wrestling and metal are also strikingly similar in the most embarrassing ways:

• Both inevitably involve sweaty men all over each other either in the ring or in the pit.
• Both have often been known to use over the top gimmicks to maximize on success; e.g., masks (Slipknot, Mushroomhead, Rey Mysterio, Ultimo Dragon), hyper-femininity/gender confusion (Poison, Mötley Crüe, Goldust, Chyna), and rapping (Limp Bizkit, John Cena).
• Seeing big name wrestlers/bands involve ludicrously inflated ticket prices.
• Some wrestlers and bands tend to get facts completely wrong.

The last bullet brings us to this absolute gem of a video.  We have Big Poppa Pump, Scott Steiner tutoring some of his peers backstage on WWII.  As the video description says, the look on Tyson Tomko's (on far left) face says it all.

If Steiner and Frankie Palmeri were to ever collaborate, the universe would likely collapse on itself.

Steve Souza's got a new band. Oh boy!

So as many of you should have heard by now, Zetro has announced a new thrash band and while it's always a little exciting to hear that a thrash legend is actually still making new thrash, I have mixed feelings about this and have assessed it thusly:

• The project is called Hatriot.  I know that the name is taken from "Scar Spangled Banner" and is a play on the word "patriot" but hasn't someone mentioned to Zetro that when glancing at the name written down, it will probably be first interpreted as "hat riot" rather than a pun?
  
  
• The band behind Zetro is comprised of Andrew Gage (guitars), Kosta Varvatakis (guitars), Alex Bent (drums), and Cody Souza (bass).  Yes, Zetro's using the Van Halen approach here by putting his son on bass, but I don't see anything wrong with keeping the family business going.  What I am worried about is who's writing the music.  While the track "Weapons of Class Destruction," that's up on the Hatriot website is by all means a solid thrash track it doesn't stand out all that much.  Hopefully the rest of the album will have some catchier tunes because despite being fairly predictable in the riff department, "Weapons of Class Destruction" sounds a hell of a lot like Exodus and I'm more likely to follow a Zetro-fronted Exodus carbon copy than Dukesodus.

Looks like Kosta Varvatakis (second from left) is going for a Baloffro.

• I'm fairly certain that's the same Andrew Gage of Invection and if that's the case, I'd honestly rather see that band take off (as if it's that simple).
  
  
• Clichés, clichés, and more clichés.  On the Hatriot website you are greeted by fifty one inverted pentagrams.  The way they're used on the flag doesn't bother me; I think it's a bit clever though obviously there to stir the pot.  What bothers me is the pentagram in the logo.  It's a safe assumption that the lyrical content is going to be politically charged but what does having a pentagram in the logo prove?  If I were to see the image below with absolutely no knowledge of the band I'd assume it was either a black metal band from some backwoods part of the US or that Jon Schaffer has reached a new level of insanity.
  

  
  

  Seriously, what about this says "thrash"?

  
  

  
  

  
  

• Despite having a band of unknowns, this album has a strong possibility of turning out better than Tenet's Sovereign.  There's nothing necessarily wrong with Sovereign but Tenet is sort of a small scale super group with varying influences.  Zetro carved his niche in Exodus and from what's been released so far, this is as close as we'll get to him filling that spot again.

Superbob Squarejail?

I think we all know this is what Spongebob and his gang of lovable undersea-folk was meant to be all along.

 

Damn right, ya prude.

Seriously, look at what she's wearing!  Furthermore, how do Quaker women know about grindcore?

While I agree with the guy's sentiment, why does he have to look like a fucking hipster?  I really don't want to believe that hipsters are stealing grindcore, but there were a couple there the last time Wormrot came around...

(stolen from MetalSucks)